And You, Miss, Are No Lady

This one is too good (and too long) for Evan Essence.

My five-year-old is all boy. He is rough and tough and physical. Sometimes his "playfulness" is downright painful to those around him. So last night I was trying to teach him about being a gentleman. I told him that some day he was going to grow bigger and taller and stronger than me, and that he needs to learn to be gentle with me now so that he will know the right way to treat a lady when he grows up.

He just looked at me and said, "But Mommy, you're not a lady."

O-kaayyy. Thanks, honey, you really know how to flatter a girl. I told him that I most certainly was. His response?

"But ladies wear shoes that are high off the ground, like this." As he said this, he lifted one of his feet in the air.

Great. He's only five years old and he's already a leg man.

Time to set this boy straight. I'll show him. I am, too, a lady! My mistake, however, was that I bought into his premise. One of the first rules of winning the argument is to attack the other person's premise. Evan's premise is that ladies wear high heels. But rather than challenge him on that, I took him for a tour of my closet.

"See, Evan?" Opening a shoe box and brandishing a particularly strappy, fashionable pair. "Mommy has high heels. I wear them to church sometimes."

He looked at me, dubious. "No. Those are only like this." (Holding hands a couple of inches apart.) "A lady wears shoes like THIS." (Spreading hands to about four inches apart.)

Elephant's Child, if Sparkle wants a future with this boy you better get her started on the heels now.

And to Sparkle or whoever the "lucky" girl turns out to be, my deepest apologies. I tried.