Last Night

A little over 26 months ago, just a few days after we moved from our Oklahoma rental home into what we thought would be our Oklahoma forever home, I took this picture:

Tonight I took this one:

"Forever" is looking different from what we had planned, and tomorrow we will leave this place behind. How fondly we will remember our time here. That view!--oh, that view. What a salve it has been to weary hearts. How many mornings and evenings we have passed just sitting, gazing, basking in sunrises and sunsets more beautiful than we could have ever envisioned, drinking coffee, or wine, or caipirinhas as we watched a boy and his dog romp among the fireflies or head across the common ground to feed the neighborhood horses some apples.

I'm sad to think of leaving a home we have loved as much as any place we've ever lived, but in a few years that boy is going to be headed off to college, and his dog is going to feel less like romping, and as much as I pictured this view with grandchildren in it some day, I think maybe it's better that on Wednesday morning we will be turning over the keys to a family of 7 who needs the space and yard a lot more than we do at this time in our lives. I am so thankful for the short time we had here, even as I trust that God has wonderful times in store for us about 375 miles up the road in a place called High Ridge. I think the grandchildren, if and when we have some, will be able to find us there, don't you?

I'll be back in a few days to post our first pics of our new home. :-)

From Texas to Illinois to Oklahoma to . . .

Almost 25 years ago we packed up what little we had and moved from Texas to central Illinois. We took a baby with us, but not a piano. The piano had to be sold because we needed the cash and also because the tiny place we could afford in Illinois had no room for a piano.

About 7 years later we moved again, this time from central Illinois to the Chicago suburbs. In a turn of events my husband and I would have never predicted when we were growing up and attending school in Texas, that house in the Chicago suburbs ended up being the longest place either of us has ever lived in our lives. We spent 14 years there. We gave ourselves, heart, mind and soul, to building a life there. We (mostly) reared our children there. We got a lot older and tireder there.

Then life took an unexpected turn. In another development we would have never predicted, we wound up in Oklahoma. Oklahoma?

Yes, Oklahoma. God knew exactly what we needed, and he brought us to a place of love and rest and patience and beauty. It ended up being the place my mom died. She is buried here, in a quiet, peaceful location, and for that I give thanks. Oklahoma, how good you have been to us. We hope we have been half as good for you.

Now we prepare for one more move, one we hope and pray will be our last for a very long time. In a few weeks we will pack up our Oklahoma house and move to Missouri, where I have been working in a job I love for the last six months. We are excited but sad. We will miss this place. We wish we could take the house, church and people with us. We will always be grateful for our time here.

For the foreseeable future my husband will continue working in Oklahoma, staying with friends and making regular trips to Missouri. He is working with our church to help them find a suitable replacement and to aid in the transition. In the meantime, Evan will join me in Missouri and prepare for his own new adventure: Lutheran high school! He is so excited about the prospect, if a little nervous about the changes coming.

We would appreciate your prayers for this transition, for our family's eventual arrival together in one place, and for my husband's vocation as we wait upon the Lord's direction for how he can best serve his neighbor in the years to come.

 P.S. We're taking the piano with us.

Christmas 2016

It's not over yet--only the second day!--but here's a pictorial roundup of our celebration thus far.

A few days ago we caroled with some of the members of our church choir. We went to several houses in our neighborhood and several homes of shut-ins. Out of 9 houses, one didn't answer, and one said "thanks but no thanks." I guess a success rate of 7 out of 9 is not bad. 

We got our tree a couple of weeks ago at a nearby tree farm and orchard. It had to wait a week to get decorated until we had more help.

The bonus kid is a friend of Evan's.

All done!

 

Poetically, on tree-decorating day we got a dusting of snow!

We started Christmas Day with Divine Service at 10:00 a.m. instead of our normal two services at 8:30 and 11:00. Then we came home, had lunch and let the cantor have a very short cantor's nap. Then, gift opening!

New briefcase!

Trevor and Caitlin demonstrating one of the Four Loves.

New Wii U game

Hillbilly Elegy (the book, not the guy)

Pajamagrams and a set of cocktail syrups

Copper mugs for Moscow Mules!

Bamboo cooking spoons. 

Trevor went to great lengths to get me this book. I was introduced to Dinah Craik last year by a friend. I enjoyed the book I read (Olive) and added more Craik to my wish list, but apparently her books are not easy to come by. Trevor had this specially printed and shipped from overseas. Thank you, Trevor! 

I also received some new slippers from Caitlin. My feet have had a rough year and appreciate it very much!

As for Willard, he got a new pillow and several tasty treats.

After present opening we went for a family walk. It was windy but not cold. I wore short sleeves!

Then, drinks on the deck. On Christmas Day! Nice work, Oklahoma.

Supper was oven-baked brisket, green beans, potato salad, and cole slaw with Texas wine and brownies a la mode and cranberry-apple pie for dessert.

We wrapped up the day by introducing the kids to The Waltons pilot episode, "The Homecoming."

 Merry Christmas!

Life Update

Hello! Anyone there? Considering how infrequently I post these days, I wouldn't be surprised if the answer were no. For the three of you who are still dropping by on occasion, here's a "what we've been up to" post.  :-)

Tomorrow will be seven weeks since Mom died. I have been spending a lot of time in her room. A few people have asked if we will be moving into it (it is the designated master bedroom). Maybe we will some day, when our knees are tired of going up and down the stairs. But for right now, we are thinking we will make it into a home office/guest room. I have already started using it as a place to get away to when I need time alone to write or edit or just be. It is such a nice room, big and bright and peaceful. 

The college kids will be home in about a month. Yay! They will be home all summer, other than several weeks Trevor will be in Italy for a piano festival. We will cap the summer with a family camping trip to Big Bend National Park in Texas. I wonder if we can find any spots like this one to pitch our tent on?

Unpacking is going slowly. You know that old Benjamin Franklin quote about death and taxes? That's pretty much what has governed my life the last few months. Maybe some more boxes will be opened and some more books will find their way to the shelves after April 15. (This year I am doing taxes for a rostered, called Lutheran cantor, so there is a bit of a learning curve. :-))

I have several articles in the queue to get published elsewhere but I have no idea when they will see the light of day. 

It has become normal to see preteen boys not my own running around the back yard, playing video games in the family room, or scrounging the kitchen for something to eat or drink. Believe it or not, even though I am on my third preteen this has not been a regular occurrence in my life as a mom. I like it. 

According to Facebook, today is siblings day. Here is a picture of me with my siblings, taken at my mom's funeral:

Here's the same group 16 years ago, on my mom's 70th birthday (we haven't changed that much, have we?):

I sure do love those people.*

We are coming up on a significant anniversary in our family history. I can honestly say that we have officially moved from asking "Why did that happen" to saying "Thank God that happened." So much good has come out of it, at least for us. I don't know if the same can be said for others. I pray, if the answer is no, that will change some day. 

It's almost cocktail hour here in Oklahoma. Off to the porch! Wherever you are this Lord's day, I hope you can find a few moments to put your feet up, breathe in the Lord's goodness, and bask a while. If circumstances are such that you can't bask right now, trust that even when it doesn't feel like it, His light is still shining on you, warming, nourishing and sustaining you through the fallow time and readying you for the next growing season. His peace be yours.  

*These are the siblings with whom I share a mom. There are four more, two of whom are deceased, with whom I share a dad.

Good Morning!

Three minutes of beauty for your day. I hope you enjoy. 

Photo taken December 10, 2015

Will there really be a "Morning"?
Is there such a thing as "Day"?
Could I see it from the mountains
If I were as tall as they?

Has it feet like Water lilies?
Has it feathers like a Bird?
Is it brought from famous countries
Of which I have never heard?

Oh some Scholar! Oh some Sailor!
Oh some Wise Men from the skies!
Please to tell a little Pilgrim
Where the place called "Morning" lies! 

Emily Dickinson

We are in!

Hello! Long time, no blog! We have been just a tad busy the last month with buying and moving into a new home. Have you ever been so happy that you think it can't possibly last--that certainly something is just around the corner waiting to mess it all up? That is kind of where I am right now. I'm a little afraid to just let myself be happy. But I'm working at it. And it turns out that it doesn't take all that much effort. :-) 

If we are Facebook friends you have probably seen many of these pictures. For you who eschew that particular corner of the internet, here is a pictorial walk through the last few weeks.

First items in (the book was a housewarming gift from a dear friend)

Boy and dog explore new surroundings

The Nordiska approves.

Our means of refrigeration for about 5 days while waiting for more modern replacement.

 Much better! 

If he ever gets fired from this cantor gig (stranger things have happened) he can get a job on "The Price is Right" or "Wheel of Fortune." 

View out my bedroom window. :-)

New washer/dryer!

I have my work cut out for me.

Homeowners again! (Glad to have a home warranty to go along with the keys and garage door openers.)

J. Alfred, Rebutted

About 3-1/2 years ago our world fell apart. I won't rehash the details here. The point of this post is not to look back, but to look forward.

When everything around which you have built a life comes crashing down, it can be a little difficult to find your balance again. It is hard to trust, and I don't mean only others, although that is part of it. It is also hard to trust yourself. How could you have been so stupid, so blind, as to not see what was coming? How could you have gotten everything so wrong? In an effort to not go through that again you start second, third, and fourth guessing every decision. You hand-wring and agonize and ask yourself, Prufrock-style, "Do I dare?" You look for some celestial sign that now, finally, you have got it right.

Problem is, that's what got you into trouble in the first place: putting your faith in men, and their plans and promises, instead of in God, and looking for that shiny, new idol to replace the one that was shattered. For human beings, it's a daily challenge and struggle, one we will always face this side of heaven.

Still, though the challenge remains, there is such a thing as growing in wisdom and learning from one's mistakes. There is such a thing as waking up one day to realize that the answer you have been seeking is not in Oz but right in front of you, in the good people who have been loving you while you were skipping down the yellow brick road trying to find your heart's desire. There is such a thing as realizing that the struggle itself is a gift, reminding you as it does of the danger of idols and the need to fix your eyes on Jesus rather than on your own silly human efforts.

Oh, and there is also such a thing as new beginnings.  
 

Snow Day

This is what happens when you're homeschooled and your mom gets a day off from her tutoring job due to the weather. Some Snow Day, huh? Poor Evan. :-)

A few more scenes from our Oklahoma-style Snow Day. (Pretty mild compared to what many of you have experienced this winter, but from what I understand from some local friends who have been out driving today, the roads are quite hazardous. We just don't handle ice and snow here the way y'all do in the North and Midwest!)

Stay warm and be safe, everyone!

Random Thoughts for a Super Bowl Sunday

I think we'll turn on the game, but I don't know or care that much about it. I think I heard something about leaked balls and deflated commercials? Or maybe it was deflated balls and leaked commercials. Whatever. We'll sit by the fire, listen to the wind, and drink our hot buttered rum while looking at the screen every now and then. I hope all you sports fans enjoy, and I hope everyone's team wins. ;-)

I finished reading Unbroken. Wow. It truly did make the war in the Pacific come alive. What I can't stop thinking about is the fact that this was the story of only one man, one whose personal fame led to his having a book written and a movie made about him, but whose story is only one of tens of thousands of similar ones. I don't know how people who undergo trials such as the one portrayed in the book live to tell about them. The human will to survive is a remarkable thing.

I wondered, when we moved to Oklahoma, if I would miss the snow. I don't. I guess 20 years of it was enough. :-) (Meanwhile, both my college kids are getting a huge dose of it. Enjoy it while you can, my dears!)

My church body, the LCMS, is going through something. Five years ago we elected a new president and many of us were filled with hope that some of the troubling trends of the last few generations would have the brakes put on them. In fact they have. There are wonderful things going on and everywhere signs that doctrinal faithfulness has returned as our prime directive. In spite of that, a few are not satisfied, demanding that everything must be corrected now. I don't understand this mindset from people who would not demand that a troubled parish change overnight. I have not always been Lutheran, and I don't pretend to understand all the history. But I have read and understood enough to know that we are heading in the right direction. I also understand that no human institution is ever going to be perfect. There is no such thing as complete purity when it comes to the practice of sinful human beings. Those who insist on such all-or-nothing purity had better be prepared to sit alone at a very tiny table with a very long spoon. I am content to continue walking together with brothers and sisters in Christ who may be taking smaller or larger steps, perhaps walking with a limp or a crutch, or even being pushed in a wheelchair, as long as we are headed in the same direction and led by a faithful and trustworthy leader. Regarding those who are intentionally trying to cause the confused or weak to stray, I agree that they should not be ignored or downplayed. But I have no reason, at this time, to doubt that those whose vocation it is to address such deceivers are doing so. My calling is to pray for and do my best to encourage them while waiting upon the Lord, who, I know, will guard His church.    

Sometime in the near future I will have my ninth article published by The Federalist. I have also had one piece in American Thinker as well as one of my Federalist articles reprinted in the LCMS publication Notes for Life. Sometimes I think maybe I'm going to actually keep wearing this writer's hat. Other times I am terrified that a big gust of wind is going to blow it off any day now and I'll never find it again. But at the moment I am talking with a friend about writing a book and for once it is actually possible to imagine it happening.

Looks like it's about time for the game. The fire is lit and my husband just handed me a warm mug. Guess I better start not watching. Have a great night!

P.S. I just realized that I don't have a tag for "sports" in my category list. Almost 8 years of blogging and no sports. A jock I am not.

Blessed

Sometimes I still can't believe everything that has happened. Two years ago around this time we were coming off a period of terrible, painful upheaval during which my husband had been fired and we had spent several months in limbo, without the certainty of an income going forward and without the support of our church home of 13 years. Thanks be to God that our time of uncertainty was short-lived, as He did lead my husband to a new job and us to a new church. And yet one year ago we found ourselves facing another huge change, as Phillip accepted a position in Oklahoma and we had to say goodbye again, this time to a church family we had barely had time to get to know (but already loved). As my husband left Illinois to begin his new job, I stayed behind to sell the house. Our separation lasted almost six months, and during that time my mom, who lives with us, and who had broken her hip on Christmas Day 2012, struggled mightily with post-operative pain and rehab and, eventually, another hip surgery.

This is not supposed to be a "poor me" post. On the contrary. As I look back at all we have been through and where we are now, I am reminded yet again of the Lord's infinite and gracious mercy. Sometimes when my husband and I wake up in the morning and head out to enjoy coffee on our patio, we just look at each other in disbelief. It has been a long time since we have felt this relaxed and at peace. So tonight, on the eve of my fiftieth birthday, I ask your indulgence as I pause to take stock. How am I blessed? Let me count the ways.  

1) I made it to 50! (Well, almost.) And barring some very minor physical ailments, I am in good health (and could feel even better if I would work at it a little harder).

2) I have been married to my first and only boyfriend for over 27 years. He doesn't get enough credit for putting up with me. It isn't easy. (You people only see what I decide to share after much editing.)

3) I have three amazing children who only get more amazing every day. They are all in good health, and they all know their Savior. Two of them are in college on scholarship, and the third is going to be around for me to hassle at least eight more years. And I get to homeschool him! 

4) My husband has a job. He enjoys his work and the people he works with. I get to piddle around making a few bucks here and there doing things I like to do. We have everything we need, and many of the things we want. 

5) My mom has bounced back incredibly this year from a long period of injuries and depression. She is enjoying her days in a way she hasn't in a very long time.

6) We live in Oklahoma! It is prettier than I could have ever imagined, and yes, the mornings are like something out of a movie. 

7) We belong to a great, confessional Lutheran church with a dedicated, caring staff, faithful elders, and kind and loving members. 

8) Evan will receive his First Communion this year!  

9) We have a great house that we are renting. (We do hope to buy again, but in the meantime, it sure is nice to not be responsible. If something goes wrong, we just dial up the landlord.) 

10) Life has slowed down to the extent that we are finding time to enjoy it. As I look back over the last 15 years, it seems that so much of it was spent constantly on the go, trying to make ends meet, trying to please others, trying to prove something (not sure what), just trying, trying, trying. I don't mean that there weren't good days. There were--many of them. But they were exhausting. It is blessed relief to find ourselves in a place where there is time to breathe, time to sit, time to think, time to read, time to walk, time to watch movies and cook and play games. For so long there was no time for anything but to go on to the next thing. Now it's actually possible to make the Next Thing wait.

During some of our darkest days, a wise friend and teacher told us, "Expect blessing." When everything seems to be going wrong, it is hard to trust those words. Yet we know that in all things, even in our sufferings, God blesses, and so we cling to His promises, and wait, and hope. I don't want to make the mistake of looking at the ease of these days as some sort of reward for having come through a difficult period. We are poor, miserable sinners who have earned nothing and deserve nothing. And I know there will be hard times again. But I sure am glad for this stretch, however long it lasts, and for our Lord's grace, today and always. 

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

Camp

Drop-off 

Cabin 6 

Illinois River

Pick-up

Closing 

 

 

Goodbye

So very proud of this young man. A few years ago he would barely go out in the back yard for fear of bees. Now he is home, all smiles, from five nights away at camp. Thank you to the Berenstain Bears, who first put the idea in his head, and to Camp Lutherhoma of Tahlequah, Oklahoma, for making it such a great week. He is looking forward to next year.