It's Really Not That Hard

My friends wrote a book about female vocation. You should buy it and read it. The purpose of the book is to ponder what it means to be a Christian woman, living under the Cross, in these gray and latter days. Beyond that, there is no one kind of woman to which the book is addressed. It is for single women, married women, young women, old women, mothers and those who are not, sisters, widows, and any other kind of woman you can think of who looks to Jesus and Him Crucified for purpose in her daily life.

I am confounded, then, how negatively the book has been received by a few (a very few). The tone of the book has been attacked as being angry and resentful (nothing could be further from the truth). It has been implied that the authors are hypocrites because here they are doing something (writing a book, or editing, or teaching online classes) beyond what they see as their primary vocations of wives and mothers. (Quick aside: as the authors define it, vocation is something that God gives you to do that you can't quit doing (at least, you can't quit without its being a sin). So writing is not a vocation. Music is not a vocation. Such things are hobbies, jobs, interests, and aptitudes. But the callings of wife, mother, daughter, sister, and neighbor--these are vocations. They are the stations in life into which God has placed us and from which we are called to serve.)

Okay, I guess that wasn't a quick aside. Back to the point of the post. There are those who seem to think that because LadyLike suggests that service to the people God has placed in one's life should come ahead of other stuff that they are therefore saying there is something wrong with, or no place for, the other stuff. That is not what they're saying. They are actually not saying anything different for female vocation than they are for male vocation. Whether we are male or female, our most important calling, after that of baptized child of God, is to serve our neighbor. When it gets to the specifics of how men and women do that, yes, there are differences because men and women are different (does this really need to be said?). But for both men and women, vocation is about service to others. Those in our immediate family are the ones we are called to serve first. From there the circle of service can expand to church, neighborhood, town, country and world. So if there's time after the family has been taken care of, then by all means, write a book, learn a Beethoven sonata, teach a class, volunteer at the library, draw a picture, engage in politics, or do some work for money. But don't let those things take precedence over serving the people you love, the ones God has placed before you in the life He has given you. How you work that out, on your own if you're single or with your husband if you're married, is a matter of Christian freedom.

Seems pretty simple to me. There is no conflict here, no contradiction, no hypocrisy. Why some people have such a hard time with it and insist on setting up what in Logic 101 is known as a false dilemma is a mystery to me.

LadyLike was the Issues, Etc. Book of the Month in May, and the authors spent some time talking to Todd Wilken, the host of Issues, about their book. Yesterday was their last appearance, and listeners were invited to submit questions, which I did. Here is the question I asked:

How do you respond to those who say you are being hypocritical by promoting a traditional view of womanhood (one that says a woman's highest calling is to care for her family) when you are taking time from your family to write a book, go on a book tour, and give radio interviews?

There wasn't a lot of time to answer on the program, so Rebekah wrote a blog post yesterday that provided a more detailed answer. If you would like to read it, go to the LadyLike blog. And stay tuned for information about how you might be able to win the LadyLike book I won for asking what was determined to be one of the three best questions on yesterday's show. (I already have a copy, and as great as it is, I think one is enough and so desire to share the love.)

LadyLike

My friends wrote a book. I was honored to be given a sneak peek and am here to tell you that you need to buy it, like, now. I will have more to say about LadyLike in the future, but for now, please just trust me (would I steer you wrong?) and go to CPH and place your order. Then go to Facebook and like the LadyLike page (I dare you to say that five times fast). Then add the LadyLike blog to your news feed. Then follow LadyLike on Pinterest. And if you're in the St. Louis area, sign up for this. (Oh, to be in St. Louis this weekend.)

Thank you, Mrs. Curtis and Mrs. Adle for giving so much of yourselves to write this book for us! You're awesome!
 

How to Succeed in Advent Without Really Trying

Yesterday as I was driving through Missouri after dropping my daughter back at college I listened to Christian broadcast radio for a while. (We got rid of satellite radio a few months ago when they cancelled all but one of their classical stations. I am even gladder about that decision now since discovering that their sacred/classical Christmas station has been cut down to a three-day period: December 24-26.)

Anyway, the program I listened to yesterday was a talk show about "faith and family" and featured a host interviewing a female guest about holiday stress. I don't remember the guest's name, but she was talking about how much women tend to burden themselves during the holiday season as they try to do whatever it takes to ensure a picture perfect celebration for their families. She said she was interested in encouraging women to keep things simple, focus on what is most important, and not try to do so much that we lose sight of the "reason for the season." It's a message I can appreciate and find myself taking to heart more and more. Last year as we were in the midst of an interstate move, I "punted" on sending out Christmas cards (gasp!). We are going to send them this year. But I am planning to keep the decorating very minimal. We are currently renting a smaller house than we are accustomed to and it is cluttered enough as it is without trying to squeeze in a lot of Christmas decor and knick-knacks. We usually chop down a real tree, but this year I am going to put up a small, (pre-lit?), artificial tree, open a box of bulbs, and call it a day. We plan to cut back the spending this year as well as we are trying to save a little more money to put toward a down payment on a forever home in the not too distant future.

But back to the radio broadcast. I was tracking with the guest very well until, towards the end of the program, she started trying to sell her line of products designed to help one attain just the right frame of mind and spiritual focus for the Advent/Christmas season. And here I was thinking I could do that by merely going to church. Silly me. :-)

This One's for the Girls

I invite you to read this.

And then, if you have a fourteen-year-old girl in your life (or a 10, 12, or 40-year-old one, for that matter), share it with her.

GCB

There's a new show on ABC called GCB. It's named after the book on which the show is based: Good Christian B*****s. As I understand it, for a while the show was going to be called Good Christian Belles but then it became simply GCB. I'm not sure why since very few people these days seem to have any problem with the "b" word (for the record, I do).

One of the stars is Kristen Chenoweth (Glinda from the original Broadway production of Wicked), who actually plays the main antagonist. According to what I have read, the show is set in Highland Park, Dallas, and follows the lives of some women who attended high school together. The protagonist is a newly widowed woman with two children who moves back home only to discover that the girls she used to torment in high school are still around and hungry for revenge.

Here's a trailer for the show. Warning: some adult dialogue/situations.



Obviously much of the humor in the show is going to arise from the over-the-top character played by Chenoweth (I have to admit I smiled at a few of her lines--can't imagine anyone else delivering them quite like that). Because her character gives lip service to Christianity while behaving in consistently un-Christian ways, the series has already received some negative press and calls for boycotts. Personally, I think they're probably making a mountain out of a molehill. (Where are the calls for boycotts from Texans, who are also depicted poorly? I'm from Texas, and I didn't know people like that, but then again, I didn't grow up in Highland Park.)

The show strikes me as farce--satire. It's a soap opera, and we all know how realistic soap operas are, right? They aren't to be taken seriously. Real life isn't like that. I also don't have a problem with Christians being depicted as sinners. We are, aren't we? Christians can and do behave in mean, nasty, and despicable ways, all while claiming the name of Christ. The difference between Christians behaving badly and others behaving badly is that a believing Christian acknowledges the existence of sin and its hold on him and knows his need for a Saviour. His sin grieves him. I doubt that we will get any of that in this show because ultimately that's not what the series is about. The church setting could be changed to something else and the show's premise would still be intact: grownup women behaving like the worst high school stereotypes you can imagine.

And that ultimately is why I don't plan to watch GCB (not that I have time for another TV show--it's all I can do to keep up with the two I am currently enjoying): not because it depicts some Christians in a negative light but because it appears from the trailer that the show is not going to offer any thoughtful commentary on life but rather a non-stop exercise in sex jokes and vulgarity. The occasional laugh is not worth the ick factor.

And, oh yeah, did I mention that I have a problem with a show that has "b****" in the title?

Proverbs 31 Women, Revisited

Last year at about this time I wrote a blog post called "A Proverbs 31 Woman." Here it is.

Recently on Facebook that post received renewed attention. It was discussed by someone who blocked me from the discussion and who further refused to allow a link to the post to be included on the thread. That same person alluded to my post on his blog here. I am the writer who is said to have "virtually laugh[ed] off Proverbs 31 . . . saying that text does not really apply to individuals but is really about Christ and the Church."

Since I could not participate in the discussion on Facebook and since I am not allowed to comment on the above writer's blog (or at least have been rejected enough times in the past that I no longer wish to try), I must defend myself here. Please notice that the author quoted above says that I "virtually" laughed off Proverbs 31. That is an interesting qualifier, providing the writer an out. But the truth is that while yes, there was humor in the post, it was self-deprecating humor, laughing at myself. I do not laugh at God's Word. I am a poor, miserable sinner and I neglect it and daily fail to follow it perfectly. But it is my only hope in this world. So I take seriously this accusation and hereby refute it. "I am not ashamed of the Gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes." (Romans 1:16)

The blogger includes me in a group of examples of what he says illustrate an "aversion to sanctification caused by phobic allergic reaction to any talk about good works." I fail to see how my blog post illustrates that phenomenon. The point of the blog post was not to discount good works. As I have been catechized by several dear, faithful Lutheran pastors over the past 25 years, I believe that good works flow from the new man (or woman) in Christ. I am called to keep God's Law perfectly, but because I was dead in my sin and unable to do so God sent His Son to live the perfect life for me and then to go to the cross to pay the price for my sins. I look to Christ Crucified and see that my sin put Him there, and I am devastated, crushed by guilt. But then my Saviour extends to me forgiveness and the gift of faith, and as His love is poured into me it flows right back out again in the form of good works--not of my doing, but of His. "I can do all things through Him Who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)

Regarding the charge that I claimed the passage did not apply to individuals: that is nowhere stated. To state that I see one thing (a picture of Christ and His church) in the blog post is not to discount other things that may be there. In fact, as I go line by line through the passage, showing how I fail to measure up, what am I doing if not applying it to myself? Am I not an individual?

A year has passed since I wrote that post and if I were to write it today I would probably change one thing. I concluded in the post that Proverbs 31 is gospel. But as illustrated by the examples of all the ways I do not succeed at being a Proverbs 31 woman, it is also law. So I should have said it is both. And isn't that pretty much the case with all of God's Word? It kills us with Law and then brings us back to life with Gospel. And in our new life in Christ, we go forth in joy, sharing His love by proclaiming what He has done and gladly serving those He places before us.

As I wrote last year, I sometimes hear women, Christian friends of mine, despairing of their ability to be Proverbs 31 women. They want to be, but they are beaten down by their sin and overwhelmed by life and they are tired, so very tired. The purpose of the blog post was nothing else but to encourage those dear ladies, to tell them that far from being discouraged by the passage they should find comfort in it because while they might not feel like Proverbs 31 women, they are. In Christ they are! And what else would they want to be? They are clothed in the spotless robe of Christ, adorned by the beautiful jewels of His righteousness, equipped to do excellently while their works praise them in the gates.

I Think I'm Seeing a Connection Here

Recent entries from my 2011 "Forgotten English" calendar, compiled by Jeffrey Kacirk

Thursday, January 6

"married all o'er" - Said of women who after their marriage . . . become . . . miserable-looking. - Georgina Jackson's Shropshire Word-Book, 1879

Friday, January 7

"toozle" - To pull about, especially applied to any rough dalliance with a female. - John Brockett's Glossary of North Country Words, 1825

Please note that I do not personally identify with either of these locutions. My husband is a complete gentleman, and being married to him has only made me better. :-)

A Proverbs 31 Woman

Sometimes my friends and I joke about how we are not, never have been, and never will be Proverbs 31 women. For those who aren't sure what a Proverbs 31 woman looks like, here's the Bible passage:

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
(Proverbs 31:10-21, English Standard Version)

Sigh. That smarts. Is there any phrase in there I can claim? Let's take it a little at a time.

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.

Well, I like jewels. Does that count? No, I didn't think so. Strike one.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.

He does seem to trust me. But I think that says more about him than it does about me. Strike two.

She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.

Okay, we're done here. Wool and flax? Working with willing hands? Are you kidding? But I guess I started this thing. I'd better finish it.

She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.

How about "She brings her food from Jewel"? Or Trader Joe's? Does that count?

She rises while it is yet night

Ding, ding, ding, ding! Got one! Finally! (Of course, in all honesty it should probably read, "She rises while it is yet night so that she can have a little peace and quiet before her family wakes up and starts making demands on her time." Strike--oh, who knows? I've lost count.)

and provides food for her household

Hey, it doesn't say what kind of food! I'm gonna give myself a point for this one.

and portions for her maidens.

I would if I had any! (Maidens being servant girls.) We're cooking now!

She considers a field and buys it;

Can I change the word "field" to something like "shoes" or "coffee" or "chocolate" or "wine"?

with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

Um, no. The garden is all his doing. I tend to make green things die.

She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.

I don't even know what a distaff is. Or a spindle. Moving on.

She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.

And how often I have chosen to serve myself before others I am ashamed to say. This is getting ugly.

She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.

Uh-huh, that's my guy. Finally, something I can relate to.

She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

My family will kindly remain silent at this time.

She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Just shoot me now.

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”

You know, for some reason I can't figure out, my children and my husband actually say these things. Go figure.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

And both are sadly rare and fleeting.

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.

If I am going to have to look to to my works and the fruit of my hands for validation, I am in big, big trouble.

And yet . . . "a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." She is "far more precious than jewels." She clothes herself in "strength" and her household in "scarlet" and "laughs at the time to come."

It's not Law, friends. It's Gospel. It's not about what we do out of our own strength. It's about how in our weakness we are clothed in the scarlet love and forgiveness of Christ Jesus that enables us to laugh in the face of sin, death, and the devil. We don't fear the day of judgment. We joyfully await its coming because it means our struggles are at an end. We learn from our Saviour Himself that the relationship between the Church and her Head is like the relationship between a bride and groom on their wedding day. As the hymnist writes:

Zion hears the watchmen singing,
And all her heart with joy is springing;
She wakes, she rises from her gloom;
For her Lord comes down all glorious,
The strong in grace, in truth victorious.
Her Star is risen, her Light is come.
(Wake, Awake, for Night is Flying, Philipp Nicolai 1556-1608)

In spite of all my failings as wife and mother, my children rise up and call me "blessed" and my dear husband says I have done "excellently." And to the extent that they are looking at me through the eyes of Christ, they are right. Jesus went to the cross for me and in so doing purchased me for Himself. So yeah, I would say I am worth a lot more than a bag of rubies and diamonds. And so are you.

There's a cottage industry out there of sites dedicated to helping a woman live a more virtuous life by trying to follow the example of Proverbs 31. Here's just one:

A Virtuous Woman

It's not a terrible idea. It's well-intentioned. And I'm sure I could learn a thing or two about being a good wife and mother by considering some of the suggestions there. But ultimately, Proverbs 31 is not a "How-To" manual any more than the rest of the Bible is. It's about what God has done in making me the woman He always intended for me to be.

Portrait of a Lady

I have always liked this painting, Song of the Lark (1884), by Jules Breton. My first memory of seeing it was some years ago at the Art Institute of Chicago. I was reminded of it again today while reading a post at the Concordian Sisters blog. Rebekah writes about what makes a Lady and concludes that she is not one: "I don't feel like a Lady. I feel like a peasant. Ladies live in manors, and I'm just not running a tea-and-crumpets operation here. More like, we're out of napkins; wipe it on your sock. Most days I hope to pass for 'windblown' rather than 'unwashed.' If there's a Ladylike way to dig up turnips or deal with an abominable diaper, I haven't found it."

I have never met Rebekah in person. For all I know she could be Roseanne Barr's twin sister. But having read her ponderings, corresponded with her off and on over the last few years, and listened to her reflections on motherhood on Issues, Etc., all I can say is she sure talks and writes like a lady. As I wrote in the comments section on Rebekah's post, I think that ladylikeness is not so much a matter of class or lifestyle--of getting manicures and having tea with your macaroons and turning on the air conditioning so as not to faint from the heat--but rather a question of temperament. My comment:

"It's about gentleness. And you don't have to be beautiful or particularly feminine or wear make-up or dresses or have smooth heels and elbows and no dirt under your fingers to be gentle. What is it they say about gentleness? You can't really have it unless there is strength there--a strength that is being reined in so as not to cause harm. I think ladylikeness is about humility and grace and subtlety. A Lady doesn't barge into a room; you just suddenly notice that she's there and you wonder where she came from. She doesn't call attention to herself by speaking loudly, but more often by speaking softly. She listens. She is not in too much of a hurry. She is kind and considerate of the feelings of others. She does not intentionally draw attention to herself.

"You can do all of those things without smelling good or getting a salon haircut or having a clean house. I'm betting a lot of CSPP gals who pooh-pooh the lady title are really closet ladies and just don't want to admit it. Come on, girls, embrace your Inner Lady! She's nothing to be ashamed of!"

I might add that I think a Lady is modest, not flashy. And she appreciates beauty. That is what I see in the painting: a young farm woman who has gone to the field to work in the early morning hours but who is distracted from her work by the song of a bird and who takes time to listen to and appreciate that song for a few moments.

So maybe I am all mixed up. And maybe the culture at large would disagree. But I think Ladies are strong when they need to be and gentle when they need to be. They are not afraid to get their hands dirty. They don't think they are too good to serve others. But in their strength and hardiness there is still softness. And they go about their vocation in quietness, without a lot of fanfare.

Here in my opinion is another painting of a Lady, this one by Camille Pissaro, 1881:

Young Peasant Woman Drinking Her Café Au Lait

Taking a few moments out of her day to have a cup of coffee by the window? That is not just a lady. That is One Smart Lady.

(And by the way, most of my friends and I have both our Ladyish and our Un-Ladyish moments. Just ask our families.)