". . . little shall I grace my cause

In speaking for myself. Yet, by your gracious patience,

I will a round unvarnish'd tale deliver . . ."

(William Shakespeare's Othello, I.iii.88-90)

Friday, October 26, 2007

Do You Have AAHIADMD?

A friend recently forwarded me a cautionary note about AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. After reading of her case and carefully considering my own experience, I have decided that I too am suffering from this disorder, but that I have a specific strain known as AAHIADMD--Age Activated Homeschooling Induced Attention Deficit Mommy Disorder. As a service to my readers, I hereby post my own case study so that anyone else who is suffering may recognize the potential seriousness of the situation. If you find that you have experienced symptoms similar to those below, I urge you to seek help immediately.

I wake up and go downstairs to start the coffee. But as I head for the coffeepot, I decide to check my email. On my way to the computer, I notice some toys and books that the children left out the night before, so I head to pick them up. The first one I grab belongs in the bookcase upstairs, so I walk towards the stairs to carry it up. At about that time, I see the dog coming down to go outside, so I lay the book on the stairs and let the dog out the back door. As I look out the window, I realize the newly planted grass needs watering, so I go outside to turn on the hose. But at about that time, the dog asks to come back inside, and seeing her dirty paws I stop to wipe them before letting her in. But before I can do so, I hear the phone ring. So I leave the dog outside and go to answer it. However, I am too late to take the call, and it goes to voice mail. I resolve to listen to the message later.

I am starting to get a headache, so I head towards the coffee again. But first I decide to put some wet clothes in the dryer. Arriving in the laundry room, I discover that there are dry clothes in the dryer that need to be hung up before the wet ones can be transferred over, but now they are wrinkled from sitting. So I put the dryer on "de-wrinkle" and head back to the kitchen. On the way I pass by the dining room and notice the children's schoolwork from yesterday sitting out on the table. I still have not checked it. So I head for the table, thinking I will at least check their math before making coffee. I get through about half of one page and then remember I never wiped the dog's paws or turned on the hose. So I get up and again start towards the back door, but at about that time the dryer buzzer goes off, indicating it's time to take the clothes out, so I switch directions and head for the laundry room instead. But suddenly a voice comes from above: "Mommy, I need to go potty!" The 4-year-old is awake. So I go upstairs, greet him, and start changing his clothes, only to discover there is no clean underwear in his drawer. No problem--there are clean ones in the sock & underwear basket in the laundry room. So I go downstairs to get a pair. While I'm there, I start the dryer on "de-wrinkle" again. As I head upstairs, one of my older children, who is now awake, asks me a question about his assignments for the day. I go to answer but then notice another child, also now awake, letting the muddy dog in the back door. I scream "No!" but it is too late. Muddy dog is already running across the carpet. I go to grab the dog and put her back outside. Then I come back in and try to remember what I was about to do. I've only been awake for an hour, but I'm already exhausted. Not only that . . .

The coffee has not been made.
The schoolwork has not been checked.
The question has not been answered.
The toys and books have not been put away.
The voicemail has not been listened to.
The email has not been read.
The grass patch has not been watered.
The dog is covered with mud, and there are muddy pawprints all over the main level.
The clothes in the dryer have still not been hung up and are starting to wrinkle again.
There is a naked child running around the house.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I need to go make some coffee . . . .

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Cheryl,

You summed up perfectly the life of a homeschooling Mom! I'm glad there is a name for what I thought was a lack of organization on my part!

Thanks for making me laugh and making my day...I only laughed with you, not at you.

Michelle

The Rebellious Pastor's Wife said...

Wow...you summed up my life!

So, what are the treatment options?

Wendi on the CO/WY border said...

Cheryl,
I suffer from this as well. In response to the rebellious pw question.....
Copious amount of chocolate, and trips with Looper friends to places like Mad Anthony's and used bookstores....

Wendi

elephantschild said...

Treatment: keep attempting to make pot of coffee. If attempts fail before noon, switch to attempts to eat dark chocolate. If attempts at dark chocolate are still in failure at 7pm, switch to margaritas.