I couldn't sleep Friday night. It was my first bad bout with insomnia in some time--the kind where your brain goes in circles and just won't turn off. I am never sure what brings it on, but in this case I think a contributing factor was news of the death of a young woman of my knowledge. I didn't know her personally, but I knew of her, as she was on staff at a news outlet for which I have written. Her death was a huge shock, as she was not only young but seemingly strong and healthy. According to what I have read, friends saw her a couple of days before she died, and she seemed fine. Early reports attributed her death to complications from H1N1 influenza. She was found, unresponsive, by a friend, who called 911. She later died in the hospital.
I am once again reminded of how tenuous is our grasp on life. It's a cliche, but it's true: at any given moment, we are only a few heartbeats/inhalations away from death. The young woman who died is the same age as my firstborn. At the age of 26, she had already achieved a remarkable degree of success, fame and respect, at a level most of us will never attain. And now, in the blink of an eye, she's gone. I think of my own children, and how well they're all doing in their respective pursuits, and how healthy and (mostly) happy they are. Could something like this happen to one of them? Could they go from peak productivity and well-being to death in a matter of two days? Could my husband or I?
The answer is terrifying to ponder. It's so easy, when things are going well, to take life and its blessings for granted. Our family has had its rough patches, but compared to what some people have had to contend with--are contending with--we have had it pretty good. As I reflect on how good--and for how long--I find myself thinking that it's just a matter of time before Something Bad happens. Why should we be free of trouble? There's no reason we should. We are no more deserving of smooth sailing than the next wretched sinner. We live in a fallen world. Death, the devil, and our own sinful natures are always lurking, plotting to snatch the joy and beauty that are to be had this side of heaven.
What is to be done? Does it help to stay awake analyzing and planning and worrying all night long? Does it make it less likely that Something Bad will happen?
Of course not. Then why do I do it? Why do you?
Because we are faithless. We don't trust that God our heavenly Father is really and truly holding us in His hands. If we did, why would we worry or fear for anything?
Thank God that when we are faithless, He remains faithful. Thank God that He forgives me for too often allowing pointless worrying and obsessing to drown out the peace and comfort that are to be found in His Word. Thank God that even when we can't seem to see, hear, feel, or find Him, He is nonetheless at work, turning all things for good for those who trust in Him.
Please say a prayer today for a family that is facing a kind of pain and loss many of us blessedly can't even begin to imagine. Lord, let them know your love, and grant them your hope and comfort.
3 comments:
It helps to take in hand “In the Very Midst of Life” and sing it for her and for her family and remember we may well be singing it soon for one another. And then take in hand “In peace and joy I now depart” and sing that too. And your heart will be stilled, even if still broken.
I am slow to read blogs these days. But it's interesting that I read your post today of all days. We had three funerals at church in six days. The first man who died, we had an idea that this was coming for a month or so. The second man who died, he wasn't doing so great, but the decline came rapidly; he'd been in church earlier in the month. The third man? He'd been in church just three days earlier, and seemed the same as usual.
Then this morning I read Pastor Petersen's sermon (in "God With Us") for the passage in Matthew about Rachel weeping for her children. It was about mourning, and what's good about it, and what can be faithless about it, and how we cling to Christ' mercy and forgiveness and *that* is ultimately all that matters and gives us hope and perseverance.
Pastor Weedon and Susan, I'm sorry for my slowness in responding. I just discovered these comments and about 10 others in moderation. I just figured people weren't reading/commenting on blogs anymore, and then today for some reason I decided to look at my comments in settings, and I found these that I had never seen before! Blogger is not notifying me of comments in moderation. I need to figure out why. Thank you for reading and for your words of empathy and encouragement.
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