A Proverbs 31 Woman

Sometimes my friends and I joke about how we are not, never have been, and never will be Proverbs 31 women. For those who aren't sure what a Proverbs 31 woman looks like, here's the Bible passage:

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.
She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.
She rises while it is yet night
and provides food for her household
and portions for her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.
She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.
(Proverbs 31:10-21, English Standard Version)

Sigh. That smarts. Is there any phrase in there I can claim? Let's take it a little at a time.

An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.

Well, I like jewels. Does that count? No, I didn't think so. Strike one.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.

He does seem to trust me. But I think that says more about him than it does about me. Strike two.

She seeks wool and flax,
and works with willing hands.

Okay, we're done here. Wool and flax? Working with willing hands? Are you kidding? But I guess I started this thing. I'd better finish it.

She is like the ships of the merchant;
she brings her food from afar.

How about "She brings her food from Jewel"? Or Trader Joe's? Does that count?

She rises while it is yet night

Ding, ding, ding, ding! Got one! Finally! (Of course, in all honesty it should probably read, "She rises while it is yet night so that she can have a little peace and quiet before her family wakes up and starts making demands on her time." Strike--oh, who knows? I've lost count.)

and provides food for her household

Hey, it doesn't say what kind of food! I'm gonna give myself a point for this one.

and portions for her maidens.

I would if I had any! (Maidens being servant girls.) We're cooking now!

She considers a field and buys it;

Can I change the word "field" to something like "shoes" or "coffee" or "chocolate" or "wine"?

with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

Um, no. The garden is all his doing. I tend to make green things die.

She dresses herself with strength
and makes her arms strong.
She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her hands hold the spindle.

I don't even know what a distaff is. Or a spindle. Moving on.

She opens her hand to the poor
and reaches out her hands to the needy.

And how often I have chosen to serve myself before others I am ashamed to say. This is getting ugly.

She is not afraid of snow for her household,
for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
She makes bed coverings for herself;
her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates
when he sits among the elders of the land.

Uh-huh, that's my guy. Finally, something I can relate to.

She makes linen garments and sells them;
she delivers sashes to the merchant.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
and she laughs at the time to come.
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

My family will kindly remain silent at this time.

She looks well to the ways of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Just shoot me now.

Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women have done excellently,
but you surpass them all.”

You know, for some reason I can't figure out, my children and my husband actually say these things. Go figure.

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

And both are sadly rare and fleeting.

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
and let her works praise her in the gates.

If I am going to have to look to to my works and the fruit of my hands for validation, I am in big, big trouble.

And yet . . . "a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." She is "far more precious than jewels." She clothes herself in "strength" and her household in "scarlet" and "laughs at the time to come."

It's not Law, friends. It's Gospel. It's not about what we do out of our own strength. It's about how in our weakness we are clothed in the scarlet love and forgiveness of Christ Jesus that enables us to laugh in the face of sin, death, and the devil. We don't fear the day of judgment. We joyfully await its coming because it means our struggles are at an end. We learn from our Saviour Himself that the relationship between the Church and her Head is like the relationship between a bride and groom on their wedding day. As the hymnist writes:

Zion hears the watchmen singing,
And all her heart with joy is springing;
She wakes, she rises from her gloom;
For her Lord comes down all glorious,
The strong in grace, in truth victorious.
Her Star is risen, her Light is come.
(Wake, Awake, for Night is Flying, Philipp Nicolai 1556-1608)

In spite of all my failings as wife and mother, my children rise up and call me "blessed" and my dear husband says I have done "excellently." And to the extent that they are looking at me through the eyes of Christ, they are right. Jesus went to the cross for me and in so doing purchased me for Himself. So yeah, I would say I am worth a lot more than a bag of rubies and diamonds. And so are you.

There's a cottage industry out there of sites dedicated to helping a woman live a more virtuous life by trying to follow the example of Proverbs 31. Here's just one:

A Virtuous Woman

It's not a terrible idea. It's well-intentioned. And I'm sure I could learn a thing or two about being a good wife and mother by considering some of the suggestions there. But ultimately, Proverbs 31 is not a "How-To" manual any more than the rest of the Bible is. It's about what God has done in making me the woman He always intended for me to be.