And Then There Were Three

My adult children are back to school. It seems to be hitting me a little harder this year, perhaps because when they left last year there were still four people in the house. This year with the death of my mom, there are only three, and I am adjusting to yet another "new normal."

It has been an interesting month! Before the college kids left, we took a family camping trip to Big Bend in Texas. It was great in spite of a number of things that didn't quite go as planned. I have written an article on the experience that I hope will be available soon.

One of the challenges of the last month has been our car situation. Both my and my husband's cars had significant repair needs at the same time. As we tried to figure out how to address the situation both financially and logistically, a friend offered us his almost-brand-new Ford Explorer for our use (he has another car available to him). We gratefully accepted and have been using his vehicle for much of this month, including driving it to Texas! It was a humbling offer, one that showed us Christ's love in action. Wow. We planned to use his car again this weekend, as I needed to drive Caitlin to Missouri, and Phillip needed to attend the funeral of a dear aunt. Unfortunately, as Caitlin, Evan and I were about to hit the road, our friend's car started behaving erratically. So we had to postpone her return until Phillip got back with my car (which had been repaired). Having lost a day of travel time, I drove to and from Caitlin's college Saturday, a 16-hour trip. It was a long, long day, but one I was glad I did on Sunday when I was able to wake up in my own bed and go to my own church.

Both our cars are back in service, but my husband's is not long for this world, and we are only driving it around town. We hope to replace it around the first of the year.

Today is supposed to be the first day of school, inasmuch as we have a first day of school around here. :-) The principal is doing his part, but the head teacher is dragging. On top of the fatigue from all the driving, I have a sore throat. Nothing major, but enough to slow me down. I will try to do some planning and organizing today, and maybe we can start tomorrow. It is also going to be a week of cleaning and, I hope, unpacking most of the rest of what I want to unpack. We are having our first party in our new house next weekend, inviting all our music volunteers over to celebrate the start of a new season. Nothing like company to motivate me to do things around the house!

I have learned that the mice in these here parts think our house is their vacation home. We are slowly disabusing them of that notion.

I have been giving some thought to online security and privacy, something about which I have not worried much in the past. But as I put myself out there more and more as a writer, I think it behooves me to take more steps to protect my family's privacy, if not my own. In the near future I am going to revert all my public Facebook posts to private. I have set up a new public Facebook page where I plan to post my writings as well as other links I find informative, encouraging, or entertaining. If interested, you are invited to like and share my page!

 The three that remain. Photo taken last spring at Evan's First Communion. 

We haven't changed too terribly much since then. :-)

Sister, Daughter, Mother, Wife

One of my favorite Lutheran blogs debuts a new author today. I am rather fond of this one. :-)

College Graduate

Five weeks ago today our son graduated with honors from University of Nebraska in Lincoln. He now holds a Bachelor of Music in Piano Performance and has been accepted into the Master's program at Texas Christian University.

I was not able to attend Trevor's graduation ceremony due to the need to retrieve his sister, who concluded her freshman year of college in another state the same weekend. But my husband attended and of course took along the camera so as to provide a pictorial record of this momentous event!

Awaiting the entrance of the graduates

I think that is Trevor walking behind his departmental banner.

I think Trevor is third row from the bottom, fourth student from left.

Son and proud father. :-)

In front of the music building.

Outside his piano teacher's office for the last time. 

In August of 2011 we dropped a high school graduate off in Lincoln to begin a four-year program in music. This was our last view of him as he walked into his dorm before we left to drive back to Illinois. For about five minutes after this picture was taken we sat in the car while my husband tried to help me stop sobbing uncontrollably before we drove away.

Fast forward to four years later. Different dorm, same Trevor. In some ways he hasn't changed all that much. He is still my son. He is still frighteningly smart, incredibly talented, and blessed with admirable integrity and strength of faith. But this is not the same guy in the picture above. Below you see not a fresh high school graduate but a young man of 22 about to embark on the next phase of his studies and his life. In a few months we'll take a picture of him in his new apartment on the campus of TCU. I daresay the shirt will be purple instead of red. And I daresay I'll have another good cry before we drive away.

Big

On Friday I took my daughter to college. On Sunday I left her there.

If you've ever seen the movie Big you'll remember the last scene. In it, the female lead, Susan, takes Josh, the little-boy-turned-big, back home to his real life. As Adult Josh trudges through the autumn leaves towards his house, Susan looks briefly away. When she turns back for a last look, Adult Josh has become Young Josh. He smiles and waves, then turns and runs home, calling for his family.

This weekend I experienced something like that, only in reverse. On Sunday after we went to church I took my daughter back to her dorm. We had to rush our goodbye, as it was already 11:30 and she had a required event to go to at noon. We had gotten some fast food, and she had hurriedly eaten in the car, but I had not eaten yet, so after we hugged goodbye I sat in the car a while longer, trying to stem the tears to the point I could take a few bites of my bean burrito. I watched my daughter half-walk, half-run down the sidewalk toward her dorm, but instead of seeing a college student I saw a kindergartener. Panic quickly ensued. What in the world was I doing, leaving a 5-year-old to fend for herself in college? This was all wrong! But a few minutes later it wasn't a 5-year-old who re-emerged from the dorm. It was a young woman. She briefly stopped to study her map, and I resisted the urge to jump out of the car, run down the sidewalk, and help her figure out where to go. I knew she needed to do this on her own, and more important, I knew she would be able to do this on her own.

This is the last look I had at my daughter on Sunday: my little-girl-turned-big, on her way to the rest of her life.

The Week

Trevor is home! Phillip will be home tomorrow night. Both of them have to leave again Saturday, so with fewer people around to eat leftovers, Thanksgiving dinner will be scaled back this year. I bought a spiral-spliced ham, the smallest I could find, and a French silk pie at the Jewel bakery. I will make our customary deviled eggs along with several other side dishes. That's it. Thanksgiving morning we are going to worship with our Trinity-Tinley Park family and in the evening we are invited to the home of some dear friends. It should be a nice day.

The house sale is proceeding, although we still haven't nailed down a closing date. We do know that it will be in January. We would like something earlier; the buyers would like later. I'm sure we'll find a date we can all live with. God willing, we'll be in Oklahoma by the first of February. Six months apart is six months too long.

Several days ago I received terrible news about one of my oldest friends. As I understand it, on Monday of last week she fell off a six-foot ladder and lacerated her head. She was treated and sent home but within days was back in the ER, where she was ultimately diagnosed with necrotizing fasciitis. In the last four days she has had four surgeries (called "debridements") to remove necrotized (dead) tissue from her head, neck, shoulders, and chest. More debridements may be necessary. Right now her friends and family are praying for her survival, as 25-40% percent of people who contract this rare condition die from it, even with treatment. Those who survive face a long, painful recovery along with skin grafts and plastic surgery in the affected areas. My heart breaks for my friend and her family.

Here is a picture of me and Shelley from high school.

Here's a picture from about three years ago:

And here's an article about necrotizing fasciitis. If you are not familiar with this killer, please read and become informed now. It is rare, but no one is safe from it, and the best chance for surviving and avoiding the extensive surgical removal of diseased flesh or even limbs is to diagnose and treat it early and aggressively. The primary warning sign is pain that seems out of proportion for the injury. After her initial treatment my friend returned to the doctor with pain and swelling and was given pain medication and steroids and sent home. Her condition worsened and by the time she went back to the ER she was in septic shock with respiratory distress. I can't help wondering how much better her condition might be today if she had been properly diagnosed on her first return visit.

Trevor, Caitlin and I are going to see Catching Fire tomorrow. I also want to see The Book Thief. I am curious how that book is going to make the transition to screen, since I have a hard time envisioning Hollywood's managing to preserve Death as the narrator.

Caitlin is working on her college applications. As we did with Trevor, we are starting to get a "feeling" about one of the schools on her list. That school seems to have the same feeling about her, as the correspondence from their admissions office has kicked into high gear. It is so exciting to see my daughter dreaming about the next stage of her life. I am refusing to think about a day in August of 2014 when we will drop her in a dorm room and return to a house that will then be emptier by two. . . .

Then there's Evan. A little while ago he asked, "Mom, can you get me some socks?" I told him, "Evan, I think you can get your own socks." He replied, "OH, YEAH. I keep forgetting I'm ten years old!" And here I thought I was the one who was an expert at selective amnesia.

Back to School, Part 3

This is the third of three installments in my "Back to School" series. This time around there is not much for me to say as I am no longer the teacher of this student. I am not even his advisor unless you're talking laundry and, oh, maybe a few other things. But I am still Mom and head cheerleader and always will be. So here is my first official post as a Nebraska Cornhusker cheerleader!

We moved Trevor into his dorm 2-1/2 weeks ago. On the Friday of move-in weekend, UNL hosted a full day of activities for new students. One of the goose-bumpiest moments was the Freshman Tunnel Walk, in which new students get to walk through the same tunnel the football team uses to take the field at Memorial Stadium before a home game.

Here's a video of the walk if you have a few minutes to kill. We were so excited when we were able to spot Trevor in the crowd.

A photo of Memorial Stadium lit up against the night sky.

We spent several days with Trevor, helping him move in and get to know campus a little better.

He is living in Neihardt Hall, the oldest dorm on campus and also the Honors dorm. (They are dorms--I refuse to call them residence halls as political correctness apparently dictates these days). Neihardt is divided into four wings, which as I understand it sometimes compete with one another à la the four houses of Hogwarts in Harry Potter. Neihardt is also rumored to be haunted, but several intrepid Daily Nebraskan reporters could find no such evidence a few years ago. Trevor will have to let us know if he experiences any of the strange phenomenae himself. :-)

Speaking of Trevor (that IS whom we are speaking of, right?), here he is, all moved in:

We were pleased with his room and his roommate (whom I unfortunately did not get a photo of--maybe next time).

Trevor is a music major, and his class schedule reflects that status: very heavy on music classes with just a few academic courses squeezed in around the edges. He is taking piano, organ, men's chorus, theory, introduction to music (a sort of music appreciation class with, I think, some introductory history thrown in), keyboard skills (higher level skills such as improvisation, transposition and open score reading for advanced pianists), English, and history. I think that is all this semester--I think that's enough, don't you?

One of Trevor's primary reasons for choosing to attend UNL was the piano professor with whom he will be studying. At the end of the first week of classes, Dr. Barnes hosted a party for his students. When I first saw this photo I was most impressed with how much fun everyone seems to be having! Dr. Barnes is seated at the far right.

This past weekend, after Trevor's first two weeks, I took Caitlin and Evan back to see him in his home away from home (they had never been there before). As far as we can tell, Trevor is doing wonderfully. He made it through the first round of laundry, his room was quite presentable, and he seems happy. This photo was taken in the home of my friend Lutheran Hen, who generously invited us to stay with her family during our visit.

We are missing Trevor so much around the house. It hits me in little ways, such as realizing there aren't as many socks in the sock basket, or that I don't need to buy so many bananas. It hits us all in a big way when we sit down to a meal and there are only four plates instead of five. But we are adjusting and taking great pleasure in the knowledge of what Trevor is getting to experience in this, his first semester of college. I have found myself transported back to the fun and wonder of my own college days . . .



. . . my own piano teacher . . .

. . . and a special young man I met that first magical year.

Trevor's dad is going to visit him next month. The rest of us will probably not be seeing him again until Thanksgiving. Seems like an awful long time from now. But it will be one of the most festive Thanksgiving celebrations I think we have ever had!

See you soon, Trevor. In the meantime, carpe diem! I know you will!

Sending a Kid to College

I always knew the day would come, but there was a part of me that didn't believe it. And now it's almost here. In about 3-1/2 weeks I will send my firstborn to college. In another state. Eight hours (plus stops) away.

I am actually feeling pretty good about it. Six months ago I was panicking over the prospect, but right now I am just so proud and excited that I think those emotions are overshadowing the sadness. We are keeping busy planning and preparing and I am trying not to think about that moment we hug him and actually drive away. But every once in a while it does creep into my mind and I momentarily lose my composure. It usually seems to happen when I'm alone, such as while taking a shower or driving in the car.

Anyway, in getting the college guy ready I have consulted several sources, including the school he is going to, a number of friends, and the Bed, Bath & Beyond store (they actually have lists tailored for most schools and they are happy to give you one when you stop in to shop). Below is the exhaustive list I have come up with based on all of those recommendations. My son will not have need of everything on the list--it would be too much!--but I thought I would include it here for anyone else who has a son or daughter going off to college in the near future. This list, of course, is intended for young people who will live in a dorm. Someone who is going to live in an apartment will need even more (and someone who is living at home won't need nearly so much).

I would be interested to hear any items you can think of that are not on this list!

Hangers

Dishes/Utensils, dish soap, dish towel

Snacks/drinks

Cleaning supplies: Clorox wipes, Swiffer, air freshener (also supplies for bathroom if the room has its own), hand broom/vac

Fridge

Microwave

Laundry supplies – hamper/basket/bag, soap, spot treatment, dryer sheets, quarters, iron, ironing board

Shower caddy, shower shoes/slippers, robe

Towels – bath & swim

Over-the-door towel rack/hooks

Bedding (check with college for bed size) – mattress pad, sheets, blanket, bedspread, pillows, pillow protectors

Laptop

Small printer

Flash drive

Cell phone

TV

Alarm clock

Music player

Rug

Chair

Photos/posters/room decorations

Desk supplies – stapler, pencil sharpener, paper clips, push pins, rubber bands, paper, pens/pencils, ruler, calculator, scissors, highlighter, tape, glue, white-out, desk-top caddy, drawer organizer, bookends, desk lamp, white board and/or bulletin board, trash can

Tissue/Paper towels

Stationery/envelopes/stamps

Stacking crates/cubes/chest for storage

Fan

Earplugs/Sleep mask

Extension cords

Nail clippers, tweezers

First aid kit – bandages, antibiotic cream, anti-itch cream, painkiller, cough/throat drops, Pepto-Bismol/antacid/ Immodium, antihistamine (Benadryl)/decongestant, vitamins, melatonin, hand sanitizer, thermometer

Small appliances: Hot pot/coffee-maker/crock pot/popcorn maker/hot plate

Humidifier

Can opener

Local honey from the area you are moving to—start taking months before

Water bottle

Backpack

Umbrella

Sewing kit

Mirror

Netflix streaming subscription

Under bed storage

Shoe storage

Tool kit or Multi-tool (like this)

Oodles of socks and underwear!

Telephone/Address Book/List of important dates

Local bank account

Credit card

Phone to plug in if there’s a land line

Light bulbs

Batteries

Smart pen

Book light

Flash light

Lock box for cash/important papers

Money management software for computer

Planner

And of course—clothing, toiletries, personal belongings